The sufferings of this present time are not worthy

to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

 

–Romans 8:18

Maybe you’re going through a nasty breakup right now—or, if you are like most people who’ve lived a few years, you can recall a time you went through one.

When you go through the kind of excruciating heartbreak (as most of us have) that brings you to your knees, you have a couple of choices. You can jump back right into your little black dress and into someone new’s arms—blotting out the pain and skipping the healing part completely.  Or…. You can hit the pause button and become aware that God is present in every single anguishing moment of it— the anger, the blame, the confusion, the forgiveness. There’s a reason for all of it.

Believe me, we are all human… I can see why taking refuge in shiny, new relationships, is tempting. Healing is not for the weak. Purpose is not for the lazy.

When I went through a difficult breakup a few years ago I decided to stop, get still and listen. I knew I needed to recenter & R.E.S.T. And by that, I mean Release Every Sabotaging Thought.

So I took a whole year to be still.   I invested inward.  I listened. I listened to messages from Heaven, I read about a dozen books on personal and spiritual development.  I got clear about my goals and I focused forward.  I didn’t rush it – I committed to work through it.

So how can you turn your break-up into purpose-filled breakthrough?

(1) CHOOSE HEALING

The bravest thing you can do is CHOOSE to heal and to make that a proactive process.  You choose to allow BAD to stand for Broken Angry & Defeated … or you can embrace your breakthrough and see yourself as Blessed And Determined.  It’s a choice.

(2) SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

A break-up, like most experiences is about something much bigger than you anyway.  God is probably trying to usher you into a new place and allow you to help more people. Yes, you!  What can you learn from you circumstances that will help you and help others?

There is purpose waiting to emerge from a place of pain.  Pain is never intended to be permanent.

(3) ASK GOD THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

Stop asking the small question: “God, what do you want me to DO?”  He rarely answers that question.  Instead start asking the big one: “God, who do want me to BECOME?”  That one takes courage and will require ACTION and spiritual maturity.  The calling I ended up discovering was a lot bigger than anything I could have dreamed up. I never would have gotten it if I hadn’t paused and shifted the focus from self to divine service.

So what do bad breakups and divine purpose have in common?

People rush through both—they don’t stop and listen for God. And, BELIEVE me, if you’re in a messed up situation and you don’t deal with it, you’re only going to mess up the next situation. When you rush into the next relationship, you’re actually saying to God, “I can’t be used for your highest purpose because I’m not willing to go thru the process. I want what’s easy—not what’s divine.  What’s divine takes time.”

So… if you are in that post-breakup place, know that everything you’re going through did not happen to you….it happened for you.  For your purpose. So stop. Listen. REST. And, focus forward by focusing on your purpose.

And remember that in this season, A-L-L things are possible.  You have been called for such a time as this. Does this story resonate for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to cleave a comment below.

 

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2 Comments

  1. Dana Rampi-Cruz

    Hi Marshawn! I am currently listening to your audiobook “Believe Bigger” and I was inspired to check out your website. I am just 2 weeks and 1 day out of a separation. I do not know what the future holds between this man and I, but I was called to use this time as an opportunity to draw closer to God and to learn as much as I can from it. My situation was mostly mutual, and I do have hope for restoration in the future, but you have touched on some key points in this blog that I would like to comment on. My instinct in the past has been to do exactly what this blog is not encouraging….rebounding. It is HARD to sit in a place of discomfort. It is HARD to be present with the feelings you are experiencing. I have never taken the time, after any serious relationship, to truly heal and I have quickly come to realize that I am at the point in my life (32 years old) that it is time to do this the right way…the God way. I have a lot of “nervous” energy inside of me, and while it can be beneficial in getting tasks accomplished, it is a challenge when I am trying to sit still and learn from an experience that is difficult. My natural inclination is to figure it out as fast as I can, and if I cannot figure it out then move onto something else to put my focus on. I have discovered that this approach completely removes God from the equation, giving him ZERO ability to guide me in the right direction. Lucky for me, he never stops trying to get my attention, and I am finally listening. Thank you for breaking things down so simply in this blog, and in your book. Sometimes we do not need a scientific journal to understand a concept, and your clear message is a breath of fresh air. I am choosing healing. I am shifting my focus to God, and I am asking God the right questions. Whatever He puts in my path will be wonderful and amazing, and if I can learn, grow, and find joy in the process then it will be ALL the better. Thank you for the work that you do. God bless!

  2. Ashley Quinn

    Thank you so much! Your story has certainly blessed me to today. I am now in the post- breakup stage. Recently, exiting an abusive relationship. I am so happy and grateful to have come across you, your story, and so much more! Thank you for the many blessings!! God Bless!!

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